“And I hope that you don’t suffer but take the pain…”
Dateline: Sunset on the yacht, La Crosse, Wis.
“The real glory is being knocked to your knees and then coming back. That’s real glory. That’s the essence of it.”
~Vince Lombardi
To be honest, in my life I have lost more than I have won.
Honesty.
If I’m honest with myself, and you, when I score my career, failures outweigh wins. Failure far exceeds success.
Honesty.
I lay open the truth not for sympathy, not for support, not for kind comments, I lay open the truth for those of this family of Elites who today are making the longest drive.
The longest drive of their career.
The longest drive that ends their career.
There are some Elite anglers, friends of mine, people I care about who are packing up here in La Crosse and heading home knowing that they’ve crossed the Elite stage for the last time.
For them it will be the longest drive, not so much in miles, but in soul searching, in second thoughts, in what ifs.
And while I may not be qualified to write about how to catch fish, I am extremely qualified about how to handle failure.
I have failed many times in my life, many, many times.
And I am thankful for it.
Honesty.
“…hope when the moment comes, you’ll say…”
“Only he who can see the invisible can do the impossible.”
~Frank L Gaines
I cried on my first longest drive, in fact it was the first time my wife ever saw tears in my eyes.
I was hurt, I was embarrassed, I was scared.
I had thought I did the best job of my life, others thought quite the opposite, they won, my first big time TV job, I was told a year and a half into a two year gig that my contract wouldn’t be renewed.
Not being renewed is a firing delayed.
On the longest drive I thought my entire future was over, every dream crushed just as I thought it was safe to dream bigger.
I sat across from a boss behind a desk who told me I didn’t fit in, that I was too far out there, that I was, “out of step with the dance.”
As I left the building, 29 years old, a 6-month-old baby at home in a city 3,000 miles away from the comfort of my hometown a good friend saw me in the parking lot and asked me what happened.
“Monkey got to dance,” I said, “Monkey got to dance. I hear the music in my head but I’m not grinding the organ.”
For the next three days, I never got out of bed.
“…I, I did it all…”
“Make sure your worst enemy doesn’t live between your own two ears.”
– Laird Hamilton
For those on the longest drive it is only failure if you let failure in.
Thomas Edison was once asked why he keeps trying after having, “10,000 failures,” and he responded by saying, “I’m not failing I just now know 10,000 things that don’t work.”
The biggest competitor you will every face in life, the biggest obstacle you will ever face in life I too have faced…and it was ME.
Me, got in the way of me.
Or to be more honest, the ME that other people wanted me to be got in the way of the real me.
On your longest drive, leave all those other ME’s in your head, behind.
Be your, you.
I learned to be me, late in life. In a weird, other-worldly turn of events 15 years after being told my dance was out of step, the boss who had told me that was hired down the road at another job I had been at for several years, won some stuff, but was asked if I would recommend the person.
I recused myself, saying it’s not my place, been a long time and I never kept contact, but one day I ran into the person alone in a long corridor and he said exactly this to me, “You’ve managed to come a long way, finally in step huh…”
My long drive flashed back with all the feelings, then he followed, “…so what changed with you.”
I looked down at my feet, licked my lower lip and felt a wave of shame come over me, felt embarrassed once again, felt small, failure blared in the back of my head, the longest drive all over again.
“…I owned every second that this world could give…”
“If you are going through hell, keep going.”
Winston Churchill
To those on the longest drive I want to say this, not a one of you is a failure, look in the mirror with pride if you gave it your all because you reached a level most only dream of.
And also know this please, you made us all better here by being here. I know you did me.
Also know this, it is not the end my friends, IT IS NOT THE END.
It only ends if you let it end.
I believe, and have been shown, that there is a time and a place for everything and everyone and that sometimes it is simply not our time or our place where we happen to be, that is not failure.
That is not losing, that is not defeat, please realize that.
You will go through stages as you reflect, the feeling of loss will gut your core, people like me will tell you to keep your head up even though I know I couldn’t.
Honesty, you want that, ask Barb I still have nightmares about being fired, nightmares about losing, nightmares of being sent home, of that longest freaking drive, still do to this day.
Barb hears my screams at night…still.
Honesty, you want it, here it is…NEVER…STOP…SCREAMING.
If you scream in the dark now over this it is because you love this, it is because you belong here, it is because you need to come back.
Scream, scream loud and I’ll be listening, we all will and I’ll hold the door open for you when it is your time and place to come back.
“…I saw so many places, the things that I did…”
“A failure is not always a mistake. It may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying.”
B. F. Skinner
Greeting cards are lying to you, life hurts, it takes no prisoners, has a real smell to it at times. Kiss a frog out here you get warts, not a prince.
To those on the longest drive, ten’s of thousands will never make it here, celebrate your accomplishment that went against all odds. It is something you will tell your grandchildren, and they theirs.
Be proud of what you have accomplished, and smile as you remember all those Elite moments that only the fewest of the few get to live. And we too will remember and smile of you as well.
It is only the end if you let it be.
Listen not to anyone but yourself, push yourself to your limit until you have no limits.
Know too that you have many, many fans and I count myself as one of them, and I and those fans will not desert you, we in fact will wait, and cherish, your return.
I have driven the longest drive as have many who will read this and I know they too will use the comments below to encourage you, to strengthen you, to commend you.
We are brothers in the longest drive, you and me, don’t let it break you, crush your dreams.
It is only a glitch my friends, maybe you should be here, maybe you should not, let this not define you, please.
Please.
There is only one real ELITE status in life and that is when you, become you. It is impossible to play yourself if in fact you are not yourself.
Dance to the music YOU hear.
Dance with the ones you love, do what it is you love and the music you hear will be the music written only for you.
When you dance to your music, failure is drowned out.
It took me 40-some years to find that out, the music I now hear is the music I was born to hear, and it brings me peace, as it will you.
And in that corridor when I was asked, “…so what changed with you…” as I looked back up from the floor, and as I beat back the shame and embarrassment this was my simple answer.
“Monkey don’t dance no more.”
I became the organ grinder and played the music of me.
And that my friends, set the monkey free.
“…with every broken bone…”
“… I swear I lived.”
I Lived
OneRepublic
Drive safe, drive with pride and love, and someday…please drive back.
Goodnight,
db
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”
Maya Angelou